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I’ve Dated Every Version of My Father
It makes sense to believe that as women, we end up dating or marrying some sort of version of our fathers — similar characteristics, qualities, and/or traits. After all, a father is the first male in his daughter’s life to set the standard for how she should be loved and treated by a man. Our first interactions with the very first man we’ve ever known stays programmed within our memory from childhood through adulthood. A woman’s relationship with her father will always have an impact on the type of man she chooses to date.
Now, I do not believe that every woman on the planet will end up marrying someone like their father. God knows I have no plans of allowing that to happen for myself. However, it wasn’t until recently that I had this realization: I’ve dated every single version of my father.
I had taken a step back from the dating world and redirected my focus. I was ready to make a serious change within myself — I was ready to break the habit of entering and staying in toxic relationships. In order for me to do that, I had to figure out what constantly drove me into toxic relationships over and over again. I needed to understand why I felt like I needed to always be in a relationship or have someone to simply just be “there.” I needed to recognize the reason behind me settling for pieces of men who couldn't match my efforts.
I had some interaction with my father as a child and very little-to-no interaction as an adult. There was never an emotional connection between the two of us. Growing up, I buried the pain I felt of not having my father around and covered it with the relationships I had with men who left me feeling the exact way he did. I was never able to heal my wounds properly because I was too focused on trying to hide them with band-aids (relationships).
After doing some self-evaluating and soul searching, I was able to see just how much I allowed my father to impact my relationships and interactions with men. I’d been drawn to long-distant relationships because my father had been living in different states most of my life. I’ve tried to connect with men who were emotionally unavailable because my father taught me that it was normal for men to be that way. I pulled away from men who showed more interest and emotion than I did because I never experienced that from my…
